and you said cock pushups were impossible
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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