On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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