I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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