Apparently you make a good broom.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
