That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
