If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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