woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
