brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
