hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
