Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
