i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
