I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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