69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize