Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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