please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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