Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
