I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
