My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
