Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
