he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
