i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize