So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
