There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
