she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
