i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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