Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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