Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
