My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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