Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
