Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
