I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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