12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
