he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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