Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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