A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
