is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
