The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
