The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He felt like a one man threesome
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
