I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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