I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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