I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
