I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
