it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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