guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Randomize
