I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
