Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
