you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
