Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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