Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
