the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize