She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
