1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
