I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
