Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize