My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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