Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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