If that was your dad, he is hot
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
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