I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
