pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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