tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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