well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
