And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
