literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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