Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
