one might say we're banned from that church
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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