you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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