So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
