At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
