i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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