So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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