the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
