I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
