Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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