i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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