I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Watching her eat just hurts me
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
