im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
