Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
