i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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