i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
