dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
