She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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