I just cut my nipple shaving
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
