You're completely useless in the revolution.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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