Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
