paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
