well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize