he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
